I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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