dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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