do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
