My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
They are going to name an STD after you.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
