I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
