yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Did you pee in the oven last night??
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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