I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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