Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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