we have officially lost it.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
