i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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