We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
