Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
