shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
