considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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