Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
