Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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