I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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