I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
