I think my vagina is haunted
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
