I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
you had me at cake vodka
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
