Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
