so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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