so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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