SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
