I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
