thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
