you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
