I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
