My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
