the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
