You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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