12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
