I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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