OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
