He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
