sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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