Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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