You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
