saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
