Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I need moral support for this bender
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
