so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
