Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
