she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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