Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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