I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
