her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
