Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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