I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
