Your dad touched me again.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
