Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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