Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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