he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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