Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
